There are two kinds of slaves, the prisoners of addiction, and the prisoners of envy.
~ Ivan Ilich
One criterion for mental health is adjustment -- a pattern of coping with stress and conflict across life situations. The alternative is a maladjusted pattern of behaviour, a characteristic of behavioural disorders.
Research on adjustment frequently begins as stress research that discovers effective coping strategies. Some important characteristics of adjustment are control, a sense of self-efficacy, and development of a stress-resistant personality.
1. Control
An important common factor in stressful situations is loss of control. For example, sounds are not necessarily stressful but noises usually are. Noise is defined as "unwanted sound", and noise usually persists if it is beyond one's control. Research on learned helplessness has shown that subjects were more likely to keep trying to solve new problems when they had some control over their experiences.
Adjustment involves identifying ways one can establish control over stressful experiences or factors. In many cases, the control may not be real, but the perception of control is sufficient to help one cope and adjust.
2. Self-Efficacy
Social Learning theorist, Albert Bandura, has argued for the value of self-efficacy, a sense of competence and effectiveness, to well-being. Self-efficacy is a product of experience with one's environment. Research has shown that apathy and helplessness in institutionalized individuals can be overcome by giving them manageable responsibilities, like caring for plants or pets. The experience of success in being effective with such care can generalize to greater responsibilities and an overall sense of self-efficacy.
3. The Stress-Resistant Personality
Research suggests that people who cope well with stress have some common abilities and qualities, including a feeling of control, a sense of commitment, and an acceptance of challenge.
Commitment involves pledging one's actions to a future goal, investing in long-term rather than immediate reward. Workers who have input into management decisions and care about the future of the company are better able to cope with job stress.
Challenge involves a moderate amount of change and adaptation that one expects to be able to meet. Contrary to "common sense" advice that we should avoid stress by "taking it easy", research indicates that challenge and novelty are important in meeting demands and developing a stress-resistant personality.
A healthy marriage is a safe haven where we can relax and recuperate from the tensions of everyday life. We need to hear positive things from our mate.
Words To Say To Your Spouse
1. Good Job
2. You are wonderful
3. That was really great
4. You look gorgeous
5. I don't feel complete without you
6. I appreciate all the things you've done for me all these years
7. You come first in my life , before kids, career, friends, anything
8. I'm glad I married you
9. You're the best friend I have
10. If I had to do it over again, I'd still marry you
11. I missed you today
12. I couldn't get you out of my mind today
13. It's nice to wake up next to you
14. I will always love you
15. I wanted you today
16. I trust you
17. I can always count on you
18. You make me feel good
19. I'm proud to be married to you
20. I'm sorry
21. I was wrong
22. What would you like?
23. What is on your mind?
24. Let me just listen
25. You are so special
26. I can't imagine life without you
27. I wish I were a better partner
28. What can I do to help?
29. I love to see your eyes sparkle when you smile
30. I'm praying for you today
31. I prize every moment we spend together
32. Thank you for loving me
33. Thank you for accepting me
34. Thank you for being my partner
35. You make everyday brighter
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