Coping requires dealing with the source of stress or anxiety, not merely alleviating the symptoms. Coping involves three choices for action: confrontation, compromise and withdrawal.
1. Confrontation
In confrontation, one faces a stressful situation honestly and forthrightly. This may involve intensifying effort, learning new skills, or enlisting others' aid.
For example, a woman who is worried about paying the bills may confront her situation by selling her car and using public transportation instead, or moving to a smaller apartment, and packing lunches instead of eating out. In contrast, defensive responses like shopping for fun and going out with friends might improve her mood in the short run but will only worsen the situation.
A key experience in many confrontations is anger, the emotional readiness to act aggressively. Anger can be experienced constructively, as a way to make a grievance known. Assertive behaviour can be learned to correct injustices without becoming aggressive. Humor can also be employed to relieve tension and restore perspective.
2. Compromise
Compromise is one of the most effective and common ways of coping with conflict. In compromise, each party in the conflict gains something and sacrifices something. A woman wants her husband to accompany her to a movie, while he wants to watch a game on television. By compromising they could agree that she will run errands while he watches television undisturbed, and after the game they will go to dinner and a movie. He agrees to go out later but gets to watch the game, and she agrees to wait but gets to go out later.
A creative variation on compromise is collaboration, in which the two parties work together on a solution to their problem.
3. Withdrawal
Sometimes the best response to conflict is to remove oneself or withdraw from the situation. A victim of abuse may be better off escaping the abusive household than either staying and trying vainly to change the abuser or calling on police to "teach him a lesson".
Withdrawal as a coping response should not be confused with avoidance learning or learned helplessness. Withdrawing form a severe conflict will not necessarily teach one to avoid or give up in all future conflict experiences. When faced realistically, withdrawal from hopeless conflict may be the only effective response an individual can choose.
There is nothing more painful than having unhealthy communication with the one you love. It is through communication that we connect and our spirits touch. If that connection becomes contaminated, it is only a matter of time before the whole relationship is poisoned. In the process of communication, wisdom is knowing what not to say rather than what to say.
25 Things Not To Say To Your Spouse
1. I told you so.
2. You're just like your mother.
3. You're always in a bad mood.
4. You just don't think.
5. It's your fault.
6. What's wrong with you?
7. All you ever do is complain.
8. I can't do anything to please you.
9. You get what you deserve.
10. Why don't you ever listen to me?
11. Can't you be more responsible?
12. What were you thinking?
13. You're impossible!
14. I don't know why I put up with you.
15. I can talk to you until I 'm blue in the face and it doesn't do any good.
16. I can do whatever I like.
17. If you don't like it, you can just leave.
18. Can't you do anything right?
19. That was stupid.
20. All you ever do is think of yourself.
21. If you really loved me, you'd do this.
22. You're such a baby.
23. What's your problem?
24. I can never understand you.
25. Do you always have to be right?
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